Tips for Women to Enjoy Sex More

Self-care, mind/body/spirit: the better we feel, the more likely we are to feel good in being sexual with another person. It’s that simple. And yet, for some people, it’s so challenging to build in a daily holistic routine. Yet, at least the way I see it, the quality of sex we enjoy is dependent upon feeling healthy and good in our relationship to ourselves.

Creating new patterns is naturally difficult, but the long-term benefits are worth it, and essential for vitality and longevity of being and relating. Hiring a professional coach of some kind is needed for most people to build in a self-care routine that they will truly grow to love and use every day. (This is one aspect of my coaching work)

Create a bridge from “work the grind mode” to “sexy time.” Women tend to be especially context dependent regarding desire for and enjoyment of sex. This means that various factors influence this part of herself. Examples - “time of the month,” state of her home environment and her to-do list, whether the family/kids/pets/home needs are met already, her energy levels, her feeling of emotional connection to her partner that day (or in recent times).

Creating a bridge is a way for her to switch from holding it all together, into receiving, enjoying pleasure, and connection with her partner. Self-care activities are an excellent way to create a bridge, and especially if shared with the partner (super ideal!).

I suggest creating a bridge as a daily relationship ritual to build into your bedroom culture, whether it leads to sex or not.

Checking in to communicate needs for intimacy are specifically important for women, because women tend to vary more day-to-day than men do. It’s too easy to fall into a (monotonous) routine with sex, particularly in domestic partnership. Over time, a woman is likely to get bored and dissatisfied. She needs variety, in ways that speak to where she’s at in that moment. Ideally, this can be a source of play, exploration, and novelty in the connection.

Creating mini-moments of affection throughout the day, as a lifestyle, will continuously “fill the well” of desire. Allow this to become part of the relationship ritual you create with your partner - a mutual understanding and agreement to take opportunities to create/share affections, peppered throughout the day, that create a moment of sweet connection, appreciation, adoration, admiration.

Examples - a warm melting hug in the morning before parting ways and also in the evening once the day is complete, at least 1-2 moment/day of offering words of appreciation while maintaining eye contact (throw a sweet soulful kiss in there too while you’re at it!), in bed at night before falling asleep spend a few minutes lightly stroking each others back while you chat about your day, sweetly offer each other a bite of delicious food you’re enjoying. You get the idea…

Make a plan, just like you did when you were dating, and you picked a time when you knew you’d have all your work done, you’d be rested, showered and dressed nice, smelling good, already worked out earlier, so that when you showed up for your plan you were mostly likely ready to give your full attention to this other person and your sex together. Remember those hot feelings of longing brought on by that anticipation? That is fantastic foreplay!

Men commonly tend to exist in a fantasy that sex should be spontaneous, and while that of course is a natural and fun way to enjoy with your partner, it’s quite unrealistic to think that’s how it should go, or that’s how others are doing it. The more work load a woman has to manage between home, family, career, social life, the more she is going to need to plan. Remember! - your plan is best when it includes “creating a bridge” together!

My work supports women and couples into how to grow this part of their life more, in ways that feel deeply fulfilling, and even transformative for their connection.  I see intimacy as a flower, many layers, going from the energetic to the sexual.  

Esp for women, typically there is tending to do on all other levels before the sexual is directly focused on.  Energetic, emotional, logistical, physical, sensual, sexual - That’s the framework I work within.  If this support sounds like it can be helpful to grow your connection for the long term, I invite you to join me for a free call, so we can take a look and see if my work can be helpful to you at this time.  

My in person private sessions do include guidance in how to touch each other sensually and sexually in ways that give more pleasure and create a deeper bond for the couple.  My verbal guidance and demo on non-human genital models, your hands on their body, and together creating a context through Neo-Tantric principles is how this aspect of my work goes.  

You can learn more about me and my work at Goddess Modern

IG @goddess.modern